


Save Me From Myself

by Isabelle (boobear_and_bananas)



Category: One Direction (Band)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-10
Updated: 2013-11-10
Packaged: 2018-01-01 01:09:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1038546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boobear_and_bananas/pseuds/Isabelle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A life line is only so strong before it breaks. Taking everything down with it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Save Me From Myself

Arriving late to school is horrible and then having to walk into a classroom only to feel eyes burning into the back of your skull. The feeling of judgement and disgust isn’t hard to detect. I sat in the back desk, and as always, tried to ignore the stares. I lower my head to use my hair as a shell to hide from me from the others. I am pretty much use to this by now. 

“Madison?” The teacher’s voice echoed in the silent classroom.

“Madison?” She called again. “Would you like to try?”

Still I didn’t move. I know soon enough she will stop trying, and call on another student. The teacher hesitated and with a sigh, she did. Before I began to write I stared intently on the blank page of my journal that lay in front of me. Finally my thought flowed down my arm, into the pencil, and onto the paper.

 

I’m sinking

Slowly into the black abyss

but no one notices

and no one cares enough to save me

someone save me from myself

someone please save me

 

I shook my head and scribbled it out. It didn’t seem right. A poem says my inner thoughts and It needs to be right. I rubbed my temples hoping to move some thoughts around and place the right words together. 

 

Hell doesn’t exist 

the devil is in my head

and the demons 

are all over my skin

like painting that no one

has ever seen... 

 

The words seemed to flow perfectly. Chills crawled down my back as I pulled at my sweater sleeve to move it down. I licked my dry lips. I began writing down my thoughts. They were dark and hard. But I enjoyed it. Writing was the only thing I did enjoy.

 

It was like everything else had vanished, until the stupid bell rung, and much to the despair of the sleeping students. I squeezed my eyes shut as everyone raced out of the room, so they could quickly talk to their friends between classes. I hated the hallways. None of the teachers noticed what happened, they were all too busy getting ready for their next class. I hesitated before standing up. I gathered my books and journal and exited the classroom. 

 

As soon as I left the classroom I could hear the snickers, and the not-so-whispers behind me. I held onto my journal harder, keeping my head down. I scurried off to whatever class I had next. I knew the classrooms. I just couldn’t care less about school. Half the stuff we are learning I know I am never going to use. Before I reached the class I bumped into someone. I licked my lips before looking, and met the eyes, of Alex Bon. The more horrid to ever exist. As luck would have it here was the girl who made me want to curl up into a small ball, and never see people again. I felt myself shrink and retreat into my mind and myself. I quickly dropped eye contact and tried to focus my attention on the dirty floor. 

“Ew, It touched me” She shrieked. I swallowed hard, still not looking up. 

“Not going to say sorry?” She snarled. I knew no matter what I did, it wasn’t going to be pretty.

“Sorry” I mumbled terrified. She scoffed. 

“Look you little slut, just go die! It’s not like anyone would care.” She sneered. I pressed my lips into a firm line. 

“I can’t believe your mother didn’t abort an ugly, little bitch like you.” Alex provoked. Her words full of resentment. 

“Please...stop” I begged on the verge of tears. I was powerless. 

“Awww, Is the little whore gonna cry?” Her words dripped with venom as a smirk spread across her face. 

“Now, you useless thing, get out of my way!” She spoke with such loathing. 

I stepped to the side and noticed a crowd had formed. Another show of “Let’s Make Madison Feel Like Shit.” I looked up to try to keep the tears from flowing down my face. I pushed past the crowd of people and ran to the bathroom. I hid in a stall and cried for the whole period. 

 

The period was coming to an end so I finally stood up on my shaky legs and went toward to mirror and whipped away my runny make-up. I waited a while for my blood-shot eyes to go away, before I walked out in time for the bell. I had skipped to last period so it thankfully time to go. With a quick stride, I went to my locker. My lockers was away from others, it was easier, not having the hassle and having no arm room. I shoved my books into the bag but I kept my journal in my hands. I dashed out of school and onto the bus. I gave a small smile to the bus driver who has an intent stare on me. 

I grabbed my usual spot at the front. Having the bus driver close is really what keeps my safe from Alex, she sits at the back of the bus. 

 

 

Sighing, I opened my journal, turning to the closet un-used page. I pencil held strong in my hand. I raked my brain for words. I had several but I needed them to flow, perfectly. My emotions were hard to express. Locked up, never to be unlocked and express. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Deep down, inside me

there is a place

where sadness 

is rooted into the earth

like dead trees and hurtful words

once spoken to me 

and constantly repeated 

by the birds who lay eggs

between the broken branches

Deep down inside me

there is a place

where no one wants to touch

where no one wants to see

A place understood by no one

-not even me

 

 

My thoughts and writing, I had found myself at home. I drew in a breath, and carefully opening the door, the door wasn’t close to an inch open when the yelling hit my ears. 

 

“I need to get away okay?” My father screamed His nostrils flaring, the anger in the room wasn’t hard to ignore.

“I’m trying my best!” My mother retorted. “This isn’t easy for me” 

“Try harder Chloe! The weight of the world can’t be all on my shoulders!” He sounded irritated. 

“It isn’t my fault, It’s hers!” I knew my mother was enraged. I shut the door loud enough for them to hear. My mothers head shot over and sent me a look of disgust and my father didn’t look at me. The sorrow weighed on my heart. Living was a mistake of mine. I looked down and bolted upstairs. 

 

I got to my room with the hot tears already streaming dow my face. I threw my backpack on the floor and ran my fingers through my hair. I choked down a sob and began to destroy my room, pushing books off my desk, ripping posters off the wall. I broke down, leaning against the wall and sliding down it. It was all too much, the world was swallowing me up whole. I looked up and stared at nothing, with a blank mind. The words of Alex and the shouting downstairs from my parents haunting me. Echoing in my ears. 

 

I stood up and slowly walked toward my bathroom, locking the door behind me. I leaned against my hands on the counter. The tears dripping down the sink. I reached behind my make-up bag and got out a sliver slip. I held it strongly to my wrist, squeezing my eyes shut before swiftly slicing the skin. I could feel the warm bloods glide down my hand and off my fingers as I made more. Soon, the pain turned into numbness, something I was use to. The red liquid dripped down to the flood, creating a large puddle. I felt at peace finally. My shaky hand let go of the slip and it feel down somewhere on the floor, but I wasn’t too worried about it right now. I sat down on the floor and stared at my reflection, the voiced in the head suddenly disappearing. Memories flashed in my mind, ones I had long forgotten. When I was happy. I was 6 skipping happily with my parents and friends at my birthday party. I slightly smiled, nothing was at simple anymore. I stared deeply at myself, when a small but audible voice in my head. 

Don’t let them win

 

My mind was in awe of the words. Simple but effective. I licked my dry lips and stood up. I grabbed gauze from the cabinet under the sink, I wrapped around my wrist and but pressure on it, stopping the bleeding. I secured the gauze and whipped my tears away. I whipped the blood up off the floors, finding the sliver and red slip. I picked it up and stared at it, before I threw it away. I walked into my rooms and laid on my bed, reminding myself to clean up the mess later. I picked up a pen and my journal before I began to write. 

 

I thought I wasn’t good enough 

Found I wasn’t so touch 

Laying on the bathroom floor 

I felt that fault was all mine

Couldn’t take it anymore

I picked myself back up

I knew I had to stay 

I put one foot in front of the other 

Looked in the mirror and decided to stay

Wasn’t going to let them win

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading. I would love if you commented some feedback or anything. :)


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